honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Randomize
