i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
