Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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