Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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