Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Everything about him screamed your future.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
