idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
