I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Dicks are not precious.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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