I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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