I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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