I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
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