I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
