I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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