Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
