I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
