I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
