Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I'm jealous of your bromance
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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