The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Even my vagina gasped.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
