all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
