You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
