i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
