i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
