I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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