why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
We are two peas in an std pod
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
