My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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