I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
