He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
