I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
