Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
