someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
