Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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