Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Randomize
