dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
