i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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