He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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