He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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