people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
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