Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
