I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
