I will die if light touches me.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
