as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
It's rum buckets o'clock
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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