I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Randomize
