We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
