fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
