My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
