Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
