Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Dignity is for republicans.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
