Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
