$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
