I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
