she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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