New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
