yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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