my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
