Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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